True love lives

 Words that stay. That's how a character in a Jim Henson movie described "writing." It is what every writer, every author, wants for their writing - to stay in the minds and hearts of the people their writing touches.

Very few things in this world stay. And even if they might stay, they change. Health, strength, finances, security, that feeling of safety. 

On September 6, my wonderful husband could no longer stay in his body, and he had to go. Fortunately I was able to be there along with my daughter, to hold his hands and be able to say goodbye as he drifted off to sleep, never to wake in this world.

But I didn't want to say goodbye. Inside I was screaming, "NOOO! NOOOOOO!" And yet... his body had had enough. The enemy had won the battle for his body, but not for his spirit. 

And so, I have been thinking about what he left behind, and what he took with him. I have been remembering how he was looking forward to Heaven - a place he called, "Just the Next Room," where he would be waiting for us to arrive. And this morning, I remembered a scene that he and I used to watch together from the movie, "Ghost" ... starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg. Near the end, Molly (Demi's character) can finally hear and see Sam's ghost (Patrick's character).  As he gets closer and closer to crossing over to what appears to be a great cloud of individuals waiting for him, he says the one thing he's had trouble saying his whole earthly life - that he loves her, that he's always loved her. Fear has been swallowed up into something much bigger and better. 

And then he tries to describe his experience of the place he's going to: "It's amazing, Molly.  The love you feel inside? you take it with you."  (See https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1232404435042713 ) 

And you know, over the past 3 weeks, I have felt that love. I have felt held, cherished, cared for, and embraced by that love I know he has for me, even now. Even though his body is gone, his face, his memory is in every square inch of this place we called home for over 37 years. And I can feel him here. And I smile, even though my heart misses seeing him, and aches at not being able to reach out and touch him. 

And surrounding and permeating my husband's love, I can also sense the loving arms of God surrounding me, allowing me to rest, to ponder, to cry if I need to. I can't explain it. The closest I can come to it is to say that it's like walking in a quiet mist of pure love. 

One other movie that he and I watched together often is the cult classic, The Princess Bride, and the quote that comes to my mind most often is what Westley says to Buttercup when she realizes that he is not dead. "Death cannot stop true love," he says. "All it can do is delay it for a while." 

Yes. Yes, that's it. And more. Much more. True love ... lives.  

REMEMBER

 In one of my favourite movies, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, (yes, I am a Trekkie!) Mr. Spock knows that his solution to the problem of fixing the warp core and escaping a giant explosion is to enter a room filled with radiation and manually put the core back together. He knows this will result in his death.  As a Vulcan, he knows that he will cease to exist unless he finds another person to entrust with his katra, his eternal soul. As no family members are around, he chooses an unlikely receptacle, Dr. McCoy, with whom he has had a running argument since day one. 

(c) 1982, The Wrath of Khan, Paramount Pictures

 He incapacitates Dr. McCoy from preventing him from entering the warp core room, assumes the Vulcan mind-meld position with his fingers on Dr. McCoy's face, and speaks one word: "REMEMBER." That word has been with me of late, calling me to remember the things that I am going through, even if they are painful in the moment, so that I can honour the people in my life, whether they are with me on Earth or not.The latest journey started in June of this year (2026) and began with results of my husband's CT scan and the doctor's words, "There's a mass on the tail end of the pancreas ... and suspicious spots in the liver ...." which turned out to be malignant. Battling stage 4 cancer, which in the pancreas is almost always aggressive, carries with it a limited prognosis and a great deal of fear. So, I've been focusing on meeting daily needs, enjoying what moments I can, and aiming to increase my husband's dignity (see his fundraising page, which a couple of friends set up in my name). I've also been trying to be more transparent about the process.  I've seen a trend in some of the media that I follow where folks want the end result, or the miracle story, and they don't seem to want to be reminded of the "messy middle." But it's that messy part that makes the miracle all that much more miraculous! So I am being honest and forthright about how tough it is, about the wonderful kindness of people around me, and about the day-to-day items against which we struggle. https://gofund.me/efe0557c3https://gofund.me/efe0557c3I am being intentional to remember every kindness, every day-to-day miracle, every reality that we are facing right now, so that maybe someone will see that and be encouraged somehow. Maybe even one of those someones will be me. The journey is tough. The pain is real. The struggles are not imaginary. And yet. And yet, we are surrounded by love ... by friendship ... by support ... by generosity ... by living miracles in our lives. How many times have I sat down and shaken my head - or cried - out of sheer gratitude and wonder at the people who have stepped up and taken some of our burden upon themselves!! It is truly something to remember.And while I remember these things, I also remember the love of my life. His courage and his peace have been so inspiring. He absolutely trusts his Maker to heal him in whatever path that takes. He endures the pain, asks for help when he needs it (still working on some things, haha) and notices every kind act done on his behalf. As weak and tired as he feels, he appreciates every bit of that love expressed toward him and toward us all. While his body wages war, he knows that he is in Good Hands. And that is the most amazing thing to remember.  How many times have I sat ttps://gofund.me/efe0557c3